I hate being sober

"just give us government assigned gfs bro wtf"

Struggling with severe depression for almost four years straight. Got kicked out of a uni this year cause I stopped showing up in classes even doe I liked studying there. Ended up in a psychiatric hospital. They prescribed me some pills that I stopped taking after two and a half months because they caused me to feel like an empty-headed zombie.
In addition, my constant headache got even stronger. I can't even be a proper sperge anymore. I dropped all my hobbies like history, biology, and geology months ago. I rot all day doing nothing. Now I can't even play vidya games and do art.
I live in a rural area. There is no job here. Tried freelance and it wasn't bad, but it's hard for me cause of a constant headache. Considering going to the neurologist, but he probably will prescribe me antidepressants (they use them to treat some types of headaches like mine) because simple painkillers aren't helping.
Idk should I try them or kill myself right away cause I don't want to live like that anymore. There is no joy.

The one thing I cannot stand is when normgroids try to act like they’re not normgroids. I have a friend like this who pretends he’s so le based bp trucel but he hangs out with an entourage of e-girls and has multiple exes. The unfortunate thing is that, this is just how the culture is now. Everyone wants to be the most esoteric, in-the-know retard to make up for their bland and unremarkable personalities.

Two weeks into med school haven't opened a single book yet.
It's so over. I never learned how to study properly I just crammed all the stuff in days before the exams and there was much less things to learn and now it's the same over again but in uni where i cant let myself do this. I never did any homework and just listened to the teacher in class and that was always enough. Now it's not. I need to do 6-8 hours a day of study and I can't even do 30 minutes.

is it worth namefagging as a women

>wtf is your problem kid stop fucking bothering us with your bulshit!
<OMG MY HECKING KIDERINO KYM'ED HIMSELF I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING THERE WERE NO SIGNS I SWEAR I JUST WISH HE TALKED TO US!?
Why are parent niggers like this?

I once met a soyteen on a roblox game (it was a shooter game about idf vs hamas not some groomer shit) and he was a zellig fan who talked to me about whitnessing his family being killed by niggermonkeys in south africa
I met another guy who was like 16, from quebec, who had gotten fedded over isis videos and was somewhat of a failtroll, and had to deal with his parents supervising him for obvious reasons
I also met some croatian nazi who I played warthunder with and he always begged me to send him girls und panzer porn (he fell for the jewish goon psyop)

How do you cope with a fundamental lack of will to live ?

Let's say anything you try in life either within a span of a couple of months or a decade becomes irrelevant to you, a hobby/passion or just work or study.

I would like to do something else all the time but eventually get so disillusioned by it that I lose motivation to even live.

My job, my passion, everything has become irrelevant to my brain to the point that I don't even know what to do aside from being permanently online since I have no life outside of my job aside from my family.

It's kind of like being already dead, in the inside at least ?

Soon I will be 30 and still have nothing meaningful or at least I can't find meaning in these things or my life, it's like trying to chase something.

Well I cope with all of this with gaming, alcohol and social media, basically just waste my time but the fundamental question is, if I have to live like this isn't it just better to end it anyway ?

deep breath and take meth(ylphenidate)
>saves your grades