I'm actually beginning to subscribe to the idea that no matter what they look like, inside the mind of every American is a toothless yokel looking for ways to fuck up everything around them because of their "beliefs"

He's just trying to get out and install socialism so everyone starves, or Protestantism so they can go back to "burning witches" or something.

There'll be government grants for witch hunters in the far flung future of the American Protestant state.