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archive of the script:
Hunky is an asocial shitskin who loves the solitude of his containment swamp and enjoys fending off Jartycucks and baiters. One day, his life is interrupted after he inadvertently saves a talkative Gigachad from some Jartycucks, prompting Gigachad to forcibly stay with him. Gigachad s one of many literal whos that are being exiled by the drawfish Salt of Sharty to get rid of disruptive users. However, the literal who's inadvertently end up in the swamp. Angered by the intrusion, Hunkey resolves to visit Salt and demand that he move the literal whos elsewhere, reluctantly allowing Gigachad to accompany him as he is the only one who knows where Sharty is.
Meanwhile, Salt asks an AI if he has the most perfect kingdom; the AI tells him he is not truly an admin and would need to obey Quote in order to become one. He is instructed to get an e-girlfriend so he could get blackmailed. Presented with three options, Farquaad chooses Princess Cafe who is imprisoned in a castle guarded by a Gigafly. Unwilling to rescue Cafe himself, he organizes a tournament, the winner receiving the "privilege" of rescuing her on his behalf. When Salt sees Hunky and Gigachad in his castle, he announces that whoever kills Hunky will win the tournament; however, Hunky and Gigachad defeat Salt's jannies with relative ease. Amused, Salt proclaims Hunkey his champion, and agrees to relocate the literal whos in exchange for Shrek rescuing Cafe.
Hunkey and Gigachad travel to the castle and Gigafly attacks them. Hunkey locates Cafe, who is bewildered by his lack of romanticism; they flee the castle after rescuing Gigachad from Gigafly, who is revealed to be female and has fallen in love with him. When Hunkey removes his helmet and reveals he is a shitskin, Cafe stubbornly refuses to go to Sharty, demanding Salt arrive in person to save her, but Hunky carries Cafe against her will. That night, after setting up camp, and with Cafe alone in a cave, Hunky admits to Gigachad that he is asocial because he grew frustrated over being constantly judged for his demeanor. Cafe overhears this and becomes kinder to Hunkey. The next day, OPSEC Demon and his band of Black Hats harass the three, but Cafe easily defeats them in physical combat. Hunky becomes impressed with Cafe, and they begin to fall in love.
When the trio nears Sharty, Cafe takes shelter in a windmill for the evening. Gigachad enters alone and discovers that Cafe has transformed into a pooner. She explains that during her childhood, she was cursed to transform into a pooner at night but retain her non-tranny form during the day. She tells Gigachad that only "true love's first kiss" will break the spell and allow her to "take love's true form". Meanwhile, Hunkey is about to confess his feelings to Cafe, when he overhears Cafe referring to herself as an "ugly man". Thinking that she is talking about him, Hunkey angrily leaves and returns the next morning with Salt. Confused and hurt by Hunkey's abrupt hostility, Cafe reluctantly accepts Salt's marriage proposal and requests that they be married that day before sunset. Hunkey dismisses Gigachad and returns to his now vacated swamp, but quickly realizes that he feels miserable without Cafe. Gigachad returns and soyquotes Hunkey for jumping to conclusions and reveals that Cafe was not referring to him as an "ugly beast", although Gigachad does not reveal Cafe's gender identity to Hunkey. The two reconcile, and Gigachad summons Fingergirl, whom he had reunited with earlier in the day. Hunkey and Gigachad ride Gigafly to Sharty so they can stop the wedding.
Hunkey interrupts the ceremony just before it ends and expresses his feelings for Cafe. The sun sets, and Cafe transforms into a pooner in front of everyone. Disgusted and enraged, Hunkey says "DOCTOS!" and breaks up. The end
