Crossposting this from /soy/
Hi, guys.
I'm 18 years and I accidentally masturbated for the first time in my life 2 days ago. I tried to fuck a air balloon filled with water in my bathroom (second attempt), but accidentally cummed when I tried to get hard. I only lasted about 15 seconds. I was really terrified and disappointed in myself, and I promised Hitler that I will never masturbate again. The feeling was only moderately pleasurable.
The problem is that I'm very often sexually aroused with no way to free this energy. No matter how hard I study or work, this disgusting desire comes back. I have high-T, due to exercising and decent nutrition, but I'm too autistic to ever have sex with a real woman any time soon, if not at all.
I'm not Christian, but I'm still despise gooners and their weakness, but how am I different from them? The best part about the act was post-nut clarity, disgusting desire finally disappeared, my mind and my perception of the world have severely sharpened. I was really angry that I broke my 18 years nofap streak, and I even beat myself for it.
What should I do? Should I go on another years long nofap streak and wait until I will find a girlfriend (which will probably never happen), and get tortured by the disgusting desire?