making this because the board is always flooded with these anyway. i need advice because i am stuck in the most predictable loop and it is ruining my head.
basically i have this one specific fetish that is honestly completely deranged. it is not illegal per se and it is not gay but it is definitely degenerate. every time i goon to it, i feel like a total creep immediately after and decide to take a break. i stay clean for maybe 1 or 2 days and the post-nut clarity makes me think i am cured.
during that break, my brain resets enough that i can literally get off to the most basic vanilla shit imaginable. i start thinking i can just be a normal person again. so i goon to the regular vanilla shit. but then, without fail, the boredom or the itch kicks in and i spirial right back down to that same specific degenerate fetish. i cannot stop the cycle. it is like my brain is wired to crave the extreme stuff the second i feel slightly comfortable.