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alright, i keep relapsing so i'm making this thread as a reminder to stop.
i'm also making it so i don't go crazy and that i can get this off my chest, i don't know why i keep going back to it after all of the problems it's caused me.
ik this is some embarrassing shit, but recently i was doing it towards some fairly average lovey dovey romantic hentai. though while i was doing it, i was also looking at my other tabs.
during that, i saw a thumbnail of a tranime girl that i recognized who's supposed to be a teenager. this made me feel weird as hell, even if i just happened to see her while finishing to what i was originally looking at. i know i wasn't gooning to her, but it made me feel gross regardless. though, i saw it as a mistake on my part. it wasn't any explicitly sexual thumbnail either.
<
after that, i tried continuing like nothing happened. of course, i was once again dumb enough to look at my other tabs while i was still doing it. on youtube, i saw another thumbnail which had a random actual kid and it freaked me out. i took it off and immediately went back to the original tab i was on and got done there. after that, i checked that youtube page again for a few seconds to have a better look at what that thumbnail was to see if i was right on it being a kid, and then i left. none of it was actually sexual or anything, but it just unsettled me seeing glimpses of that while i was in the moment.
anyways, i've been replaying these events in my mind constantly. it doesn't help that i've had plenty of other worries like this before, alongside a lot of other worrying things i did related to hentai and r34 art sites (which i don't ever want to repeat, none of it was real but it was still unsettling). i'm not even sure if i was being careful enough with that stuff just a while ago on another relapse.
>
i think i've realized that now, i have to stop no matter what. it's taking a huge toll on my mental health, and it's making me even more paranoid. if you find this funny i can't blame you, since i can find some humor in it too. but this has put me through some horrible shit, atp it's either life or death. hopefully, this will get me to stop being fucking stupid. i'd like to make sure i permanently quit before i turn 22
i'm also making it so i don't go crazy and that i can get this off my chest, i don't know why i keep going back to it after all of the problems it's caused me.
ik this is some embarrassing shit, but recently i was doing it towards some fairly average lovey dovey romantic hentai. though while i was doing it, i was also looking at my other tabs.
during that, i saw a thumbnail of a tranime girl that i recognized who's supposed to be a teenager. this made me feel weird as hell, even if i just happened to see her while finishing to what i was originally looking at. i know i wasn't gooning to her, but it made me feel gross regardless. though, i saw it as a mistake on my part. it wasn't any explicitly sexual thumbnail either.
<
after that, i tried continuing like nothing happened. of course, i was once again dumb enough to look at my other tabs while i was still doing it. on youtube, i saw another thumbnail which had a random actual kid and it freaked me out. i took it off and immediately went back to the original tab i was on and got done there. after that, i checked that youtube page again for a few seconds to have a better look at what that thumbnail was to see if i was right on it being a kid, and then i left. none of it was actually sexual or anything, but it just unsettled me seeing glimpses of that while i was in the moment.
anyways, i've been replaying these events in my mind constantly. it doesn't help that i've had plenty of other worries like this before, alongside a lot of other worrying things i did related to hentai and r34 art sites (which i don't ever want to repeat, none of it was real but it was still unsettling). i'm not even sure if i was being careful enough with that stuff just a while ago on another relapse.
>
i think i've realized that now, i have to stop no matter what. it's taking a huge toll on my mental health, and it's making me even more paranoid. if you find this funny i can't blame you, since i can find some humor in it too. but this has put me through some horrible shit, atp it's either life or death. hopefully, this will get me to stop being fucking stupid. i'd like to make sure i permanently quit before i turn 22
