i really am such a disgusting person. inside and out. my body is really terrible, i've done things to it that can't be undone and it makes me look like such a freak. my mind has been ruined and i'll never be able to fix it, either. and i'm supposed to be in the peak physical/mental condition of my entire life right now. it's only down hill from here, for the rest of my life it will only continue to get worse. i hate my body so much i just want to destroy it and live detached from it, yet even still i'd have my terrible mind with me. there's really just no way to escape the nightmare whichever way you put it.