I tried to kill myself September 10th 2025. I overdosed on mainly Soma. I took a lethal dose washed down with alcohol. I was found dying in a poison ivy brush by a trucker.

Upon waking up I denied my family access to see me except my brother. Some male nurse who looked like the original soyjak came in arguing with me and fighting me for not wanting my family to see me in this state.

Ever since then if have only wished it worked. I never had a flash of wanting to live after doing it. I woke up and said I wish I wasn't saved. I'm a drug addict who's exhausted all his options and hurt or drive away anybody who cared. I've betrayed many people I love.

I feel like this life has nothing left for me. I feel like I deserve to be punished. I feel like I deserve to die. I just think I've gone rotten and spoiled like an egg. I always threaten to kill myself. So this time I wanna make sure I have no chance of coming back.

I'm considering doing it on a Livestream out by a creek somewhere. I know this spot, it's so beautiful. I have been dead since 2023 anyway.

I'm making everything about myself I know. But I'm just so badly hurt. My mind doesn't work. I am mentally ill and schizophrenic.