i'm gonna do it when my birthday comes up, i'm gonna kill myself and i'm gonna have lived an even number of years. i have no other choice or else i'm gonna have to live through another year of being a disappointment and dealing with constant shame. i don't want to hurt my parents or my family but eventually i am going to have to do the selfish thing, and a moment is going to come where i just let my impulses take control even though i am a very controlled person.
dying on my birthday would be pretty poetic though.
at least even if i'm a faggot and i fail the attempt, which i probably will bungle anyway because it's just a cry for help or whatever, i can get out of some responsibilities since i'll be in the hospital or everyone would be walking on eggshells around me. and my parents could come to terms with the fact i'm suicidal and everyone knows the number one predictor for killing yourself is if you already have an attempt under your belt.
OH WELL. SUICIDE POSTS ARE AGAINST THE ROOOOLZ so i'll get banned.