>>23477Ok, ive read through it a few times so I'll share some initial thoughts:
*Just mentioning this since it isnt in your pdf, but I want to emphasize that Nate meeting u with Chud as they head off to school was a really good early scene. Obviously it wasnt THE opening scene, but it was a good character introduction with a bit of dialogue, very on-par for an animated movie.
*Before the heroes are taken away in the van we should have some kind of interrogation scene. The bit in the first trailer where Plier starts glowing green in the middle of a dark room was a24 spine-tingling кинo, having Nate wake up in a pitch black room being asked all sorts of questions, only to reveal the one interrogating him like that would be very cool. It would be a great introduction for plier. During the interrogation Nate, Chud and Troonella would probably give incoherent answers for various reasons, which would be why they are transported elsewhere.
*I really like the idea of Soyberg saving them, a good way of making him seem trustworthy. Him giving some line about the basement being in disrepair and that the asylum is unable to recapture the creatures down there would be good. Having him emphasize the strong mechanical doors keeping the loose patients locked in the basement would be great foreshadowing, that way when plier disables the security the audience will know that they and rapeson are now free to the rest of the asylum, we could even show the basement doors unlocking after everything else has opened.
*So in the current plot Soystein isnt a villain? We already have lots of bad guys but I think doing that ends up undermining both of the doctors. As it Soystein sort of takes the role of Soyberg, leaving him to be left out of the film until the very end. In my opinion we should change it to something like this.
Soyberg tells Soystein to take the Chud and Troonella somewhere else so he can have a private convorsation about Thrembo with Nate, Soystein isnt happy about this but the friends are as they where getting bored. Soyberg ends up mentoring and explaining some plot stuff to Nate which will help him use his powers in a little bit, meanwhile Soystein i taking the friends on a tour of sorts- pointing to holding cells and better explaining the facility to them(and the audience) on their way to the snack machine o algo. Then while their deep in the place goes to hell, Soystein ends up abandoning the group as hes a cold slf. Insert intense scenes. Nate gets to them just in time with the help of Soyberg and Powers up. After thats wrapped up we cut back to Soystein somewhere even deeper in the asylum, now hes the afraid one as hes alone and there are still patients about. Then we show rapeson appear behind him, Soystein is surprised and apparently they dont have a good history. Rapeson happily corners him in a cell, and we hear Soysteins screams start echoing out. Now Soyberg is traveling with the group to the final battle.
Thats my idea. A bit extreme compared to what you have written, but I think it better concludes their roles.
*I dont think plier should be defeated just by being trampled. It would be anti-climatic, especially if we show him surviving the asylum as his goons are picked off. It would be much more meaningful if the doctor or something where to defeat him, maybe he still falls into the mass of Jarty or is over-run by them, but someone like the doctor initiating it would be more impactful.
*I seriously dont think Chud and Troonella should follow Nate in. If they didnt it would make it much more personal when he faces Admin 6 one-on-one, whether it be them talking to each other and 6 is trying to scare him, or even the full on battle. The reason could be that they stay behind to try and fight off the jarty, as there is a large number of them and is the only one tied to Thrembo. as the fight progresses the Jarty could start overnumbering them, ust making a larger point that Nate needs to win both for himself as well his friends.
*Going off of both of those ideas there could be a fake-out where the audience believes that the doctor has been killed. Either to take out plier or to keep the friends alive, this would of course make them fight even harder. Then at the end when everything has been crushed in rubble it would be revealed that the doctor is hurt, but still ok.
