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One of my flatmates is 6'7" tall, EXTREMELY muscular and virile, and with a skin color as dark the black panther's fur under the moon of the African savanna. Uuurgh… Shame that I'll never get to suck his gigantic juicy veiny BBC because of my silly personality.

>secretly injecting poop molecules into water and giving it to african ANBs to turn them into DNBs with power of poopy science

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You will be detained under thy law

I myself am the only person of which I can be 100% sure of to have only honest and noble goals in mind, as I have no access to any other human's thoughts except mine, and therefore I myself am the ONLY one out of all humanity fit enough to rule as absolute autocrat, if we hold the maximum criterion for this position to be the prevention of all self-interest.